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Hungry For Justice – (Ep 5)

Hungry For Justice – (Ep 5)


Record scratch, what? Chicka-chicka,
Slim Shady! What up, y’all?
It’s your boy Ryan Hansen. You guys dig
the new selfie stick? It’s a party favor
from Ashton Kutcher’s birthday festivities last night. So cool. Anyway,
I got some killer news. “Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes
on Television” just got named YouTube Red’s
Red Hottest show right behind “Drinkin’ Old Milk
with Stevie B,” “Unboxing Uncut,” and
“Watching Someone Play
Video Games.” I mean, really,
it’s just an honor to be on the podium
with those three. [ Horn blares ] Hi. Yeah, well,
you shouldn’t be angry because you just got
cut off by Ryan Hansen. [ Laughs ]
Okay, so here is the scoop. I got two commercial auditions
in the offing. I don’t want to pull
a Verizon Guy on this one, so I can’t take both. One is for Pepsi, which, to me,
is the Casamigos of cola. And taste aside,
Pepsi are soda disrupters. Crystal Pepsi flipped
the whole script. And did you see
that Kendall Jenner ad? I was like, “Whoa,
I just got, like, woke.” It’s definitely the choice of
the Hansen generation, for sure. Anyway, the other one
is for Coca-Cola, which I think is kind of
an old man’s drink. But being the face of Coke
would up my visibility into the Santa territory and put my kids
in private school, where our vaccine choices
would be respected. So, ah, it’s hard. It’s art versus commerce,
the ultimate
Pepsi-Coke challenge. So, yeah, it’s gonna be tough
picking the right one, baby, uh-huh. But that’s the process,
you know? A lot of strategizing,
a lot of careful thought — [ Crashes ] ♪♪ You’re late, Hansen. What the hell happened?
You crash your car while filming
yourself again? Come on. I’d have to be
a real idiot to do that twice. What’s this guy’s
sob story? ‘Cause it’s a Saab. We’re waiting for the tox
screens to come back, but based on the vomit
you’re standing in, I’m betting
on a poisoning. Oh!
Sick! Wait a minute,
I know this guy. That’s Petey Silver,
famous food blogger. Wait, food blogger?
That’s, like, a job? I mean, he has
a podcast, too. These must be his co-hosts,
the Bronze Brunch Bunch. What, you never saw
that documentary about him, “The City of Silver”? Don’t you need to be somebody
to have a movie made about you? You’d think, right?
And television —
forget about it. They’re giving
everyone a show now. Ugh. Anyway, I was somebody’s
plus-one to the premiere. NBD. Well, it wasn’t really
a premiere, per se. More of
a special screening. They don’t have to
feed you that way. Did the documentary mention
if he had any enemies? I don’t know. Didn’t really
make it that far. Fell asleep
during the 20-minute
sequence on fermentation. [ Sighs ]
Great. Getting the sense your input
is going to be very helpful
on this case. Apparently, he was gonna review
that Thai truck right there. That’s the owner. We should question her. Right? Yes, that would be
a part of our job. Ah, of course there’s
a murder at a food truck the week I need to slim down
for my big audition. Oh, I’m sorry this homicide
is inconvenient for you. Well, I’m doing
the “Friends” cleanse. It’s a smoothie made of pepper,
tea, gum, and volcanic ash. It was invented by
the set medic on “Friends.” Six a day provide
all the nutrition I need, plus tastes great. Doesn’t sound like it has
any nutrition in it at all. Oh, God. Well, I think if I do
an extra day of cardio,
I should be fine. They don’t want
some flabby Flanny slinging soft
drinks, right? People are gonna start
associating soda with weight gain.
[ Scoffs ] Please, don’t
keep me posted. Ooh, burn. Hello. Detective Mathers,
LAPD. Please, tell us,
was there anyone here acting suspiciously
that you can remember? Anyone handling the food
except for you? Hey, Ryan Hansen. You probably recognize me
from “Party Down.” Or, as it was re-titled
in Thailand, “Tiny Platter
Sadness Friends.” Hey, you can
talk to me, okay? I hate critics, too — Except for the ones
who review premium streaming
television content. God, are those guys smart.
[ Chuckles ] So, I totally get why
you’d want to poison one. Why did you want
to poison him? [ Woman speaking Thai ] Whoa, okay, is she
doing a dialect? ‘Cause I feel like we’re in
tricky racial territory right now. She’s speaking Thai. And you’re Thai, right? ‘Cause that’s the only way
this is gonna be okay. We don’t want an
“Aloha” situation. I mean, Emma Stone barely won
an Oscar a year later, so there are
consequences. Mrs. Saithong! [ Speaks Thai ] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You okay with this? ‘Cause this is exactly
what we don’t want. A white guy playing
an Asian dude? No, it’s like
we’re re-rebooting
“Ghost in the Shell.” I just got back from
a three-day sound bath
at the Integratron. What happened? [ Speaks Thai ] Wait, you speak Thai? Do I look like a guy
who hasn’t backpacked through southeast Asia? Let me through
and I’ll translate. All right,
let him through. How do we know
he’s speaking Thai? I mean,
it could be Cantonese.
We don’t know. [ Speaking Thai ] Right. She says i-it
wasn’t her fault. She doesn’t know
what happened to Petey. Holy shit.
Is Petey Silver dead? Oh, he inspired
so many great meals. I waited a half-hour
in an area that I’d never been to
to eat food that I’d never even hear of
to then post it on Instagram to people
I’d never met. The quintessential
L.A. experience. Please,
continue translating. [ Speaking Thai ] Yeah, she says that — that he
was coming here for months. He was gonna write
a big post about how much
he loved this place, and she was hoping that
the attention would, you know, drum up some business for here,
which would be great. I mean, this is Thai Town’s
best-kept secret. You’re a regular here?
What’s your name? Griff Bowder,
AKA Dr. Mindblast. Yeah, a street artist. Whoa,
Dr. Mindblast? Hey, man, I saw a super moving
retrospect about your work on a port-a-potty
at Coachella. Do you know Banksy? Yeah, Shia’s a friend. And so is
Mrs. Saithong. I mean, she let me
do her truck. Probably seen some of
my other work around town. I also did a brain exploding
out of a Bob’s Big Boy, ’cause, like, political. And then, I did a brain
exploding out of the Hollywood sign,
because, like, innovation. And then, I did
a brain explo– Mathers: So, you’re not
good enough for a museum, huh? Uh, hardly. Street art is,
like, next-level stuff. The entire city is
Dr. Mindblast’s museum, even the stuff he’s not
supposed to paint. Sounds like vandalism
to me. Whoa. Whoa, whoa!
No, no, no. He — He’s an artist,
not a vandal. Excuse my basic friend.
Some people
just don’t get art. Thank you so much.
[ Chuckles ] Well, they were poisoned,
all right. A form of naturally
occurring cyanide in their spicy
catfish salads. I will not be ordering that,
mostly because I’m on a cleanse. You know, as a medical
professional, I should warn you
that fasting is not a healthy
weight-loss strategy. Yeah, but I’m also
ridding my body of toxins. Your kidneys and liver
are already extremely effective
at that. This isn’t some kind of fad,
like South Beach or Atkins or the no-water diet
or the all-water diet or the turkey jerky
and prayer cleanse or the eat vegan
before 6:00 or the eat pork belly
after 6:00. Those were all great,
but this one is better. It’s the
“Friends” Cleanse. Can we please get back
to the case? If the dish contains poison
naturally, why serve it? There are lots of foods
that contain cyanide — apples, cherries, almonds,
but they’re usually safe, unless the poison is activated
by another chemical agent. But in this case,
someone added a household astringent
or cleaning product. That’s not a lot to go on.
Did you find anything else? Here’s the rest of the contents
of Petey’s stomach. I’ll take that. Two helpings of poutine,
half a dozen grasshoppers, 12 rooster beaks,
and some white bread. Ugh! Gluten.
Well, guess we know
what did it. Yeah, like I said,
poison. But there was
one other thing. Didn’t know
what to make of it. Six ounces of gold foil. Probably consumed
in the last 24 hours. Silver eats gold. Huh, feels like there
should be a joke there. Nah.
Maybe I’m just hungry. Doesn’t sound like gold
was on any menu. That’s where your wrong.
Classic dish at Providence. Geoduck with gold foil. A delightful culinary
inside joke from chef de cuisine
Michael Cimarusti. Wait, there’s a restaurant
where rich people can literally eat gold? L.A. ‘s second most famous
critic, Dorothy Montclair, was actually there yesterday
and wrote a review and called it,
“Worth Its Weight in Itself.” Two food critics at the same
restaurant on the same night. How often does that happen? I guess it is pretty weird, especially because
they do not like each other. I mean, she was basically
number one in town until Petey Silver
re-invented food writing. It was in the 10 minutes
of “City of Silver” I was awake for. Why the hell didn’t you
tell me that before? What, and spoil
the movie? Montclair’s editor said
she’s here on assignment. She might be
hard to find. She keeps a low profile
when reviewing a place. So, she’s in disguise. Oh, no, how are we
ever gonna find her? [ Scoffs ]
Good thing I’ve spent
10,000 hours in a makeup chair. I spy with
my little eye — Ah. Dark glasses,
multiple entrees. Bingo. You want me to cuff her,
or do you want to cuff one hand at a time? We actually don’t have
enough to arrest her. It’s not a crime
to hate someone. Sounds like we got to trick
her into arresting herself. Mind games. Is that chowder?
It smelled chowdery. I wonder if there’s
clams in that. God, I’m hungry. God, you’re an idiot. My sense of smell gets super
sensitive when I’m cleansing. I’m like a
pregnant Spider-Man. Hey, Ryan Hansen.
Don’t be alarmed. I’m sorry, who? I know, it’s a part
of your character. I’m a master of disguise,
as well. That’s why I was attached
to play Pistachio Disguisey Jr. in the straight-to-DVD sequel
of “Master of Disguise,” “Son of Master
of Disguise.” Project fell apart when
“Son of the Mask” tanked, which is a shame because
we had a much fresher take on being
the son of a thing. Oh. Oh. Please, don’t hurt me. Don’t worry, ma’am,
we’re not gonna hurt you. Police. No, we’re not gonna hurt you,
but you might get hurt. Psst. What? Let’s give her the
“SVU” treatment. I’m Ice-T,
you’re John Munch. Follow me. Just ignore him. Perfect Munch.
Hey, we know
what you’re up to. Now, just come clean,
you dig? Hey, put that down. Sure, Munch. Just as soon as
Dorothy here confesses. Sorry, who do you
think I am? Oh! Whoa! [ Screaming ] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, Jesus! I’m so sorry,
Mrs. Montclair! Excuse me.
I’m Dorothy Montclair. Are you looking for me? Oh. Well, seems like
this should go on
the blooper reel, right? So, you stabbed an incredibly
famous actress in the hand? She’s just trying
to eat her lunch without getting
recognized! And we didn’t
recognize her. Hey, no harm no foul. I mean, she looked like
a day-player with
the hat and sunglasses. Yeah, well,
she wasn’t. She was an extremely
famous actress! I know. It’s an incredible
get for the show. I mean, this could do
for YouTube Red what Spacey
did for Netflix. We’re really sorry,
Captain Jackson. Once we realized our mistake,
we apologized to Miss — Don’t say the name! I don’t understand why we’re
keeping this a secret. Look, all three of us know
who we’re talking about. Well, we can’t pay her medical
bills and her guest star quote. The point is, there’s no way
this stays out of the papers. I mean, not with an actress
of that caliber. Even though it was
extremely unprofessional, the stabbing did
lead us to Montclair. [ Chuckles ] [ Laughs ] [ All laughing ] So, uh, you think stabbing
people is the easiest way to solve a crime, right? Oh. Is it? No! Now, get the hell
out of my office! Leave the canoli. Silver and I had
our differences, that is true. Now, is that it, or do you
want to talk to my lawyers? You may be able to
intimidate those chefs at their fancy
restaurants, but a bad review from you
won’t scare us. Really? Because I find
your police work bland and uninspiring. Whatevs. I stopped listening to
my own reviews a long time ago. They’re just words.
They can’t hurt me. You hear that,
Manohla Dargis? Did you poison
Petey Silver? No. If anything,
Petey Silver poisoned the art
of food writing. I mean, he goes to some
strip-mall Chinese place and eats a gallon
of fried scorpions and then writes a blog. Is that worthy of
a James Beard award? What’s next, an Oscar
for best YouTube video? Oh, my God,
I hope so. Are they really
talking about that? Not even in your
wettest dreams. Ms. Montclair,
where were you between 6:00 and 8:00 p.m.
on the night of the murder? I’m not sure,
exactly. I stop at a lot of places.
It’s my job. Our job is to sit here
until you tell us the truth. [ Sighs ] I think I might actually
go hit the vending machine. I’ve been good all week.
I can cheat a little bit. No. Geez. Thank you. You know what,
the only person I’d be cheating is myself. What is this? Expenses. These receipts wouldn’t have
the dates and times of all the restaurants
you’ve been to, would they? They would, indeed.
Let’s see, uh… Yes, here we are.
The night of the murder, I was doing a review
of Gordon Ramsay’s new place at the London. Can we see that receipt? Can I see a warrant? You were at the London
on Tuesday? That’s what I just said. You got an invite? Ashton told Cryer that the
birthday party was fam only. Well, [chuckles]
Ashton and I go way back, so… That’s crazy — that’s —
’cause I didn’t see you there. Um, but I was in the way back
at Wilmer’s table, so it’s — Whoa, whoa, what the hell
is going on? It’s, um — All right,
I confess, all right? I-I told everybody that
I went to that party, but I didn’t even
get invited. Did I lie about that?
Yes. Did I try to sneak in
the laundry chute with Danny Masterson?
Guilty as charged. Do I regret it? On that one count,
find me innocent, because you get
one chance to punk your way
into the Kutcher Krew. But you didn’t even know
Ashton Kutcher rented out
the London, did you? Okay, I-I admit it. I wasn’t there. [ Chuckles ] Now might be a good time
to lawyer up, Montclair. That won’t be necessary.
I’ll talk. But if this gets out,
my career is over. I couldn’t have
killed Silver. The night of the murder,
I was at the one restaurant I love the most. Anocha? Hey, can you get me
a reservation? My agent almost took me
there once. Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. Oh! Do they even have
a vegan option? Yes. The tofu scampi is better than
Forrest Gump’s ping pong game. There’s a reason they are
one of the fastest growing and most successful
franchises in the world. I don’t know what’s sadder,
your alibi
or that product placement. Look, your secret
is safe with us, as long as someone
can confirm you were there. Well, I-I never expense it,
for obvious reasons. But, uh — Well, check
with the hostess. I can’t go a week
without having my
Lieutenant Dan pan-fried ham. You expect us
to believe that? Ham isn’t even
a type of shrimp. Welcome to
Bubba Gump Shrimp. Hi, ma’am. Were you working here
last Tuesday night? I sure was. Do you remember this woman? She might go by the name
[as Gump] Jenny. Yeah, every Tuesday
has a “Rum, Forrest, Rum”
at the bar and then has our
worst-tasting entree. Sounds like someone
in desperate need of a cleanse. I know. And I keep trying to get her
to try the jumbo shrimp or the barbecue shrimp
or the boiled shrimp or the pepper shrimp,
shrimp soup, shrimp salad,
shrimp and potatoes — Okay, you’ve been very helpful.
Thank you so much. And come back for
Bubba Gump trivia night. You don’t need to know anything
as long as you answer the questions with love
in your heart. Great. Awesome. That’s nice. So, it looks like Montclair’s
alibi checks out. So, what do we do now —
Kick it down to Mark Paul Gosselaar
in cold case? Not yet. Someone knew that,
if Silver died, fingers would be pointed
in Montclair’s direction. That wouldn’t do
the real killer any good unless her alibi was something
she’d be too embarrassed to use. But who would know
she’d be here every Tuesday? I mean, her editor,
another critic? I’m starting to lose feeling
in my extremities. I think I’ll feel better
if I smell some shrimp. [ Sniffs deeply ] Oh, hey, Dr. Mindblast. What? Well, I mean, brain plus
mushroom cloud
plus Bubba Gump, seems like
Dr. Mindblast to me. What do you see? I see our prime suspect. Huh. They say there’s
no wrong way to look at art, but that seems like
a stretch to me. Keep your eyes open. Of course. I wouldn’t want to miss
any of these pieces. Sure, the guy might be
a murderer, but he’s got an
interesting point of view. Look at that. Oh, wow. What an interesting
combination of mysterious
religious symbolism and a brain exploding
out of someone’s head. So cool. No, I mean this empty
can of turpentine. Common household
astringent. Also used to clean
paint brushes. Lines up with what the medical
examiner found in Petey Silver. You got a
great eye, Mathers. You don’t need
a great eye to know this guy’s
extremely disturbed. Griff: I’m an
instinctual artist. I depict
what I feel inside. Like, right now,
I feel… hungry. Dude, me, too. This cleanse
is killing me. Sit tight. I got some
goji berries in the back. Oh, yeah. No, Hansen. Who knows what kind of poison
he’s got back there. We know you did it. And we know you tried to set up
Montclair to take the fall. Unless you got some
kind of proof, I suggest you speak
to the lawyers that administrate
my trust. Huh. Well, maybe we can
show them the, uh, Yelp review that you left
the night of the murder. Let’s see. “The Nam Prik Ong is the best
outside of Thailand. Did I mention
I’ve been to Thailand?” You said you were
at the Integratron when this places you
at the murder scene. I didn’t mean
to kill them, okay? I just wanted them
to get sick so Petey would write
a bad review about the place. Do you know what happens when
that guy gives a place a rave? It blows up! He’s the reason a dude
can’t just grab buldak or a bowl of tsukemen without tripping over
a bunch of white people. You’re white. I like to think of myself
more as, like, a brand. I just couldn’t stand
to see my favorite Thai truck
become so popular that I would have
to wait in line to get my morning
mung bean stir fry. Turn yourself in now,
and maybe you can cut a deal. Like I told my parents
when they asked me
to pay back the money they loaned me
for art school — I’m too high to deal
with this right now! Whoa, get down! Whoa! Hey, you did not
have to tackle me! That is papier-mâché! Sorry, my hero instinct
just kicked in. [ Panting ] Wait, you okay? No, I’m good. Never felt healthier. I’m pretty sure I’m 91%
of my max heart rate, so it’s a good thing. You’ve got to
eat some food. I think I got
some cleanse left. [ Gun cocks ] ♪♪ [ Thud ] [ Gunshot ] Don’t move or I will
blow your brains out. What? All the good stuff
was at the bottom. Hey, we got him! Whoo-whoo! Mathers: You let us know
how that Thai food
is in prison. Ryan: Yeah,
probably not so hot, by which I mean neither
spicy nor good quality. Griff: I did that
old lady a favor. Exposure and celebrity
just lead to added pressure. Tell me about it. Street art became a chore
once it was my real job. I loved it when it was
just a hobby and I was paying
the bills as a deejay. Mathers: I cannot stand
to hear this sick
psychopath talk any longer. Get him out of here. Hey, Ryan, just remember —
never let money get in the way
of your art. Whoa. What an oddly relevant
thing for a psychopath to say. Huh. Hey, come on,
let me buy you dinner. What a perfect way to end
the “Friends” Cleanse, huh? All this talk
about food trucks and I’ve actually
never been to one. Wait, seriously?
Oh, you are in for a treat. The best place to get truly
authentic Mexican food — Los Angeles. Hey, man, can I get a
kale shell veggie taco with extra turmeric
and no fatty veggies. You’re got to at least put some
chicken on there or something. What, and ruin
my thigh gap? No way. Your what? My thigh gap. [ Cheers and applause ] Hey, honey, what’s cooking? There’s my favorite
activist and artist. Mwah. How was your day? Oh, it was great. Solved a quintuple homicide
and got a lot of thinking done. Wow. I barely managed
to do the laundry. [ Laughter ] I’m trying to decide
which commercial to go out for, Coke or Pepsi. A choice that has stumped
the world for centuries. But stuff happened
to me today and I think I realize
that the answer for me, it’s gonna be Coke. Didn’t you say
a Pepsi commercial would be a more fulfilling
project, artistically? But Coke would be better
for my career, which would mean a better
life for us and our kids. But what’s best for you
is what’s best for us. [ Audience “Awws” ] We can tighten
our belts a little. So, we get rid of cable
for a few months. So what? We can get by on Netflix
and YouTube Red. Yeah. [ Laughter ] They are two totally
equivalent services. I mean, maybe we eat out
a little less often. That’s okay. Yeah. John Cryer can make
more meals at home. Hope you like
your peanut butter
and jelly extra spicy. [ Laughter ] Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy! Hey, what are you
three muppets
hiding behind your backs? We know you wanted to do
the Pepsi commercial, so don’t worry. If it doesn’t
pay enough money,
you can have these. Our piggy banks! Oh, you guys didn’t
have to do that. Wait a minute.
How much is in here? [ Laughter ] I made a choice, and it’s
a choice of this generation. That’s my favorite
Pepsi tagline. You remembered! Oh, guys,
I’m the luckiest dad
in the world. [ Audience “Awws” ] You won’t be saying
that after dinner tonight. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Hey, what up, what up?
How’s it going, guys? Woman: Great. Thank you, Ryan.
Let’s just see what you got. Okay, so it’s —
And crack, chug? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Got it. [ Can pops ] Pepsi.
#Resist your thirst! All right.
Thanks, Ryan. Thank you guys
so much. Hey, um, just really quick,
I want to say thank you for having me read
this commercial. I think it’s really important
what you guys
are trying to say, especially in these
difficult times. ‘Cause I really relate to it,
you know, as an artist, activist, millennial,
and a think-fluencer. Yeah. Thank you, Ryan. Thank you, guys. Ryan,
leave the can, please. Sorry about that. And can you clean up this mess? Yeah.
Just get a… ♪♪

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