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Mae Martin – 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala

Mae Martin – 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala

Wil Anderson: All the way from Canada it’s Mae Martin! Hey! Hi guys! Yeah, I’m from Canada originally. It’s a very cool time to be Canadian. Do you guys know about our hot Prime Minister? Do you know about Justin Trudeau? He’s so, I don’t want to objectify him but he looks like a Disney Prince and I want to have intercourse with him. I do. And the thing is that none of my friends believe me that I do. I talk to people all the time about what a crush I have on him and people are always like… really? Because, I guess because I look like a member of One Direction. People do not believe me and it’s the weirdest thing. If you say that you’re bisexual, it’s one of the only things that people are pretty comfortable being like, I don’t think it’s a real thing. Like if you have short hair and you mostly date girls and you’re out and you’re in a bar, you’re like, that guy I want to get with that guy, people are like prove it Ellen Degeneres. We’ll believe it when we see you giving a BJ. Sorry for saying BJ at the Oxfam Gala um… *crowd laughs* If you have long hair and you mostly date men and you’re like yeah, I could see myself ending up with a woman, people think you’re doing it for attention or it’s like trendy these days. If you’re a boy and you say you’re bisexual people are like, absolutely not. They think your sexuality is like a payment plan like buy now, gay later. *crowd laughs* Thanks guys. I’m lucky that my parents are hippies. Like, I didn’t have to come out to my parents or anything. There were very very much hippies. Like they sort of raised my brother and I in a very gender neutral environment. They were really aware of gender stereotypes. And I was chatting about it with them recently, and I was like God that must have made it difficult at Christmas, because a lot of the toys in the nineties are very gender specific right? Pink for a girl, blue for a boy and my mum goes, oh no well that wasn’t a problem for us because you didn’t want presents until you were 11. I was like, excuse me and she was like yeah, don’t you remember that you only wanted one thing for Christmas until you were 11? And you enforced it then that kind of triggered memories, then they produced photographs, to prove it. This is the most embarrassing thing. Until I was 11 years old I was like on Christmas Day all I want is I get to be naked. *crowd laughs* What? I get to be completely naked for the entirety of Christmas Day please. What a gross kid. Why? Think about how old 11 is as well. We used to spend Christmas with my grandmother as well. She must have dreaded it. Because on Christmas morning I would descend the staircase like, this is my Christmas gift, to all of you and it was bizarre, and I had weirdly like pointed toes and um, horrifying and the worst part is that the photos that my parents produce to prove this to me, that this is the case, are of the formal family Christmas dinner, where it’s not just my immediate family it’s like my extended family, it’s like uncles and aunts that I would see once a year. And not only is everyone else fully clothed but like the little kids have dressed up. Like if anything they’ve put more layers on. They’re wearing waistcoats and bowties and I’m draped, like pass the gravy, cousin. Disgusting. You guys have been great. Have a great night. Thanks a lot.

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