Hello and welcome to Hot 5 News.
Where the news is hot and the fives are high. We’ll be right back after this.
Do you have a gambling problem? Well I bet you can call this number. *crowd laughs* And we’re back.
Bars are closing earlier and earlier which means fewer people vomiting in the streets. Panicked pigeons wonder how will they feed their families. We now go to Ned for no news is good news news.
That’s good news. Many think that tea tree oil is a magic elixir that can cure any ailment but like the hippies who use it, it doesn’t work. *crowd laughs* Looking for fun for one, try the boomerang the lonely man’s frisbee. *crowd laughs* Dolphins don’t exist. They’re actually
sharks on ecstasy. *crowd laughs* Coming up later what time is it. We’ll find out at 10. *crowd laughs* But first we’re gonna take you now live to a man playing chess against a bat. *crowd laughs* It’s your move. *crowd laughs* Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Well that’s checkmate, sorry.
Eeeeeeeeeeee. Oh nuts. See you next Tuesday. *crowd laughs* Thank you ladies and gentlemen we’re the Pajama Men.